post #1 WELCOME! from Sachiko

Written By Sachiko Reed

Lessons & Strategies for Custody Exchanges with a Narcissist

  1. Stay Calm, No Matter What

    • Narcissists thrive on reaction. Staying calm deprives them of fuel.

    • Even if they push boundaries (showing up at the door, knocking, making accusations), your composure exposes their irrationality.

  2. Let Your Children’s Voices Be Heard

    • As kids grow, they develop the ability to articulate their own boundaries.

    • Support them without coaching — validate their feelings and allow them to speak for themselves when they’re ready.

  3. Don’t Take the Bait

    • When accusations come (“Why is mom refusing to let me talk to her?”), resist defending yourself. LESS IS MORE with a narcissist.

    • Trust that over time, kids see the truth in actions, not words.

  4. Document Everything

    • If the other parent violates custody agreements (e.g., engaging children in adult custody matters, not returning children during your custody time , demanding entry into your home despite court orders), document the incident factually.

    • Keep notes, times, and any messages as a record for future legal use if needed.

  5. Model Emotional Stability

    • Your children are watching not only how the narcissist behaves, but how you respond.

    • By carrying on with normal activities while an emotionally immature parent is having a tantrum, you show them that chaos doesn’t have to dictate their lives.

  6. Know When to Involve Authorities

    • Save escalation (like calling the police) for genuine safety concerns, not every tantrum.

    • This teaches your kids discernment between discomfort and danger.

  7. Protect Your Peace

    • Have grounding practices before and after exchanges (deep breathing, journaling, prayer, or a quick walk).

    • These moments can be draining — self-care is essential to maintain strength.

Sachiko Reed